Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Feeding the addiction

Im beginning to realize that 'the most wonderful time of the year' is a nothing more than a month long 'sugar rush'. Goodies at work, goodies at home, it's really hard to get away from them. Did I mention that Im also an addict? If there's a nanaimo bar or box of chocolates sitting around I dont have the willpower, I really dont. I can resist for an hour or so, but eventually Im giving in. Resistance is futile..

All the good will , the happiness , the giving .... it can all be explained. I believe it started off innocent enough. In fact when it was a religious holiday it was the most sacred time of the year. Apparently, Christmas was hijacked by the manufacturers of sugar somewhere down the line.
Were people happier then? Without the sugar rush?

The icon of Christmas is a jolly fat dude. Obviously an addict himself, he breaks into millions of houses and eats cookies .... do the math... thats a lot of cookies.... Santa needs an intervention!
Oh sure, he gives gifts but where do the gifts come from? Child labor! You could make an argument that they're elves, but what's more realistic? That Santa has a workforce comprised of magical little people, or that he exploits children? I wouldnt be suprised to learn that he doesnt live in the North Pole but instead resides in Asia where they dont know about him (therefore he doesnt have to give them gifts). So here we have a sugar addict, exploiting children to feed his habit. Shameful... just shameful.

Oh the meanderings of a sugar addled mind like mine. The sad thing is Im probably not the first one to go down this route of thinking. It's easy to see how people could cross the line into conspiracy theories......

Conspiracy 101
Mad Cow disease? Tainted cows periodically planted by the American Beef Industry into Canada whenever their own sales are in the toilet. See? All you really have to do is see who benefits from any given situation and there you have your motive. You can fill in details until you have a story that explains things. Doesnt have to be true, doesnt have to be realistic, just add enough color and detail and voila!

Try it yourself! It's fun... especially when you're high on SUGAR!

Monday, December 18, 2006

The Plot Thickens...

There's a new evil creeping into our homes... Baby Einstein!

On the surface the videos appear innocent enough, even entertaining. Animals abound, lots of puppets being cute, singing songs.... But I've noticed a disturbing trend in the puppets behavoir... they're all naughty! They steal food and other things when noone is looking, are constantly being devious and tricking the other puppets in various nefarious schemes. What kind of message is Disney trying to send our kids!

I believe that I've noticed a disturbing lack of respect coming from my son since he's been watching these films, in fact it's all he wants to do! He does what he wants, doesnt pay attention to me, and will scream at myself and my wife (who has come to tears over this) if we dont immediately pay attention to his demands! What kind of 1 1/2 year old does that! Not good behaved ones, I'll tell you that! I think , nay I know that the fault lies entirely with the shows that he watches on the television. The biggest culprit of all? ........ Baby Einsein!

I decided to do some research and I have it on good authority that Walt Disney is trying to take over the world. From now on we must be vigilent in screening all products that come from that source. No longer will the Mouse have free reign in MY house!!!!

If you think Im serious, then you are new to my blog.

Baby Einstein is the only reason things can get done around the house. Jacob is a time-dominating little force. Albeit the cutest one you've ever seen. I just think it's pretty funny (yes funny) how sneaky and sly they make the puppets out to be.

Though it does make you think about the sly machinations and true motives.....

dun dun DAAAH!!

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Editor thy name is....


3 times I tried to post on the weekend and apparently it wasnt up to snuff! My editor would come shuffling over, sit on my lap and promptly hit the power button. Effectively wiping out my inadequate efforts.

It was a decent weekend, made so because I wasnt in Calgary bemoaning my renovating state and perspiring from wake-up to pass-out. Not that it didnt cross my mind... but it's easier to ignore when you're not staring at it.

Instead we started to unpack the boxes, find places for things, that sort of thing. We've only been in the SP residence for 3 months so I guess it's time to start to settle. Plus we got the whole christmas thing coming up.

The House? Well I will be going down this weekend and it looks like we may be hiring a mercenary to kill a few of the demons that have been possessing the place. (read 'Handyman'). Im nervous because we're batting 50-50 with the people we've hired. However the idea of having someone else take on some of the burden for a period of time is just too appealing right now. If he does a half decent job then thats a bonus.

Plus it's the season of spending and this year we're heading into debt full bore with nary a cautious pause!!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

The season of Giving

I started carrying around a voice recorder in order to capture some of the 'great' thoughts that I come up with and then forget. So far I have me swearing about how I hate insurance companies and banks.... probably not the most original thoughts in the world.

I think I am officially burnt out when it comes to The House. I travelled down on the weekend and puttered around with projects but couldnt really get into a groove. It makes me question whether or not the cost of driving down is worth what Im actually doing. Ah well, I have to work this weekend up here, so I wont be going down there. I figure it'll make a nice 'break'.

Last month, I said we wanted The House done by Dec 1 (pretty funny!), we figured it wouldnt be much longer. Now Im just hoping to get it done period. No deadlines, milestones, or what have you. Im just dragging my posterior the last 10 yards and hoping to make it.

On top of it all , it's the holiday season! The most wonderful time of the year!! (pretty positive eh?)

3 weeks before christmas and now I have to start getting serious about shopping (along with everyone else). Everyyear I embody the spirit of the typical male shopper and wait till the last minute to get my list done. I dont mean to, it's just the way it happens. I get bugged about it by my wife... but it's not like there's a time element to thoughtfullness is there? But they know dont they? It's certainly factored in when they know.

I wonder what the chart/system is that determines the true value of the gift.

Perhaps there is a scale (like in gymnastics) where different categories are rated:
Time is one factor (when it was bought)
Cost is another
Brand (aka Quality)
Longevity (how long the perceived 'value' lasts)

There is the base value of points just for getting a gift ...

Time Value - What is the perfect time amount? If they dont know, you get a 5 here. A 10 would be if the gift was bought in November. From there it's arbitrary. Your judge will score how he/she will.

Cost - This depends on who it is (and how much they really want something). There's a fine fine line between 'Oh honey you shouldnt have :)' and 'Oh honey, you reeally shouldnt have :( '

Functionality - in our house, anything that has to do with the house is not really a 'gift' unless the other person has expressly said that it would be. Example: a vacuum is a really functional gift but who wants to open it on christmas morning. Lululemon clothes however....

Attractiveness - again, subject to debate... I personally think a Microsoft Wireless Racing Wheel is a beautiful thing.

Brand - buying the alternative brands like 'Tomy Hilfagers' is not going to get you points. If you dont recognize the brand, it's probably for a reason.

Longevity - the science of 'trends'. Anyone with a 'tickle me elmo' doll? Anyone?

If you're lucky enough to have gotten it right and get some points to spend how you will. Just remember that when it comes right down to it, the points (though real) are only valid during the holidays and then when it's over, it's over so you need to 'spend' them when they're valid.

This is actually a huge topic of study and Im sure there are no 'right' answers. Someone will always have a counterpoint and that someone will usually be the person you thought would love that bowling ball.

My reality? Im pretty sure that no matter what I buy... there's a 75% chance it's going back to the store..... and thats even when I have a cheat sheet!